Horse Tears
by sparsi
Summary: Kagome felt deeply. The feeling of being lost and loveless overwhelmed her more and more, day by day. In a desperate lunge to find herself again and discover her own happiness, she launched herself into a new journey. Changes for the better were sure to come.
1. Revelation

**Horse Tears, an InuYasha fanfiction.**

_By __**sparsi, **__who holds no rights over the fan base, actual show and manga, or any mentions of songs, literature, or quotes._

_T rated fan fiction; rating may rise in later chapters. Lemons and limes will be marked if so. Let's get on with it, shall we?_

* * *

"_Dare to come, but you love me still. But you'll never learn, tears to come."_

_Horse Tears, by __**Goldfrapp**_

* * *

There was a new day ahead of her. The rain was heavy and the wind whispered an idle tune. Her voice had fled her moments before as she saw the man who held her affections in the arms of another. It was clear. His choice, that is. It had been for two years timed. With woeful eyes she tore herself away from the faded love, her heart not quite broken, yet the mend was not full. Her care was little while she walked away. Branches crunched beneath her feet and she vaguely heard a masculine voice speak her name.

The touch to her shoulder was slighted gently by her own hand. Blue eyes caught vibrant amber, only to be blurred with tears. _She was far behind_. Was she truly alone? Her best friend was heavy with child, her way to her dear future, her mother, her brother and grandfather was sealed tight and never to be opened again. Where to go was one of the most imposing, fear-laden questions of her lifetime. Only twenty-one and she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Fate had been kind in the long-run. The Shikon-no-Tama had been completed and vanquished by her selfless wish. She wished for everyone that touched her life to be happy and seemingly sacrificed her own. It was childish that she strongly desired an unyielding love. Kami-sama did not heed her desires. It was not time. This was not her time, but they permitted her stay. They forced her to stay. The reason remained unclear, like a dense fog in the early morning. Her sky resembled her eyes, clouded with what came naturally over the years; grey depression.

"I need to be alone for a bit, InuYasha." Her words were soft, her voice unwillingly trembled and he agreed. She pushed her hair from her face and looked to him again, ears flat, eyes concerned, his other hand held by the priestess that fifty years of aging did not touch. Her focus turned to the sound of her feet against the dirt and stone, branches snapping along the edge of her shoe while she ventured further away from the village. Her hands pried at the hem of her yukata. The priestess garbs she wore were retired in the closet of her room. Kikyo had taken her rightful place after Kaede's passing.

She rubbed beneath her eyes, freeing herself from the tears that continued to haunt her daily. It was clear that she was wanted as a friend, a companion, and an ally by all of those around her. Had anyone dared to consider that she wanted more than a tawdry lifestyle? Kagome dearly wanted to locate a place where she belonged. She wished for warm arms to wrap around her waist. She desired the eyes of children who called her mother to sparkle with unbridled joy and endless love. Her hand placed over her heart and dark lashes fell upon flustered cheeks.

Ah, she had grown. Her maturity was outstanding and her gait was far more elegant than her travelling days. The miko had become lazy in retrospect. Perhaps that was where her depression sprouted. A journey was in order, and she was sure InuYasha would set her free.


	2. Departure

**Horse Tears, an InuYasha fanfiction.**

_By __**sparsi, **__who holds no rights over the fan base, actual show and manga, or any mentions of songs, literature, or quotes._

_T rated fan fiction; rating may rise in later chapters. Lemons and limes will be marked if so. Let's get on with it, shall we?_

* * *

"_But you know, that there's strength. And you love a knight, who stewed out those tears.."_

_Horse Tears, by __**Goldfrapp**_

* * *

The start of a journey was as important as the end. Supplies were gathered and her wits were as well. For the first time in a while, she managed to smile. The life she so desperately desired was on the fast track to somewhere. She wasn't quite sure which direction it would take her, but she felt it would not lead her to failure. In time she donned her priestess garbs again, choosing a deeper red for the lower half rather than poppy red. Her hair was tied high, her bow hooked on her arm rather than her pack.

Gone was the yellow bag, it had no use for her since her life in the future was obsolete. In its stead she made a fur satchel which carried three days of supplies that would expire easily, two weeks of grains, dried meats and some clothing which was curled on top to keep the cooler items cold. InuYasha was pleased that she was going to do something other than 'mope around like an old hag', and Kikyo encouraged her with lively eyes to follow her heart. If it was time to leave, they both assured her that they would not stop her.

And it was.

With a refreshed, light smile she waved herself off. The village in whole bid her goodbye with hopes to see her again. Perhaps someday she would grant them another wish. For now, it was all her. Her ears were no longer focused on the ground itself, but the world around her. The sights, sounds and smells she had gotten used to heightened over the years. Her training as a priestess made her aware of what herbs laid within short distance and she knew the signs of when water was nearby. She'd need that if she wished to bathe as normal. Eyes widened in alarm and she quickly jogged back to the village.

InuYasha held what she was missing with a lopsided smirk, "You forgot your bathing supplies."

"I know," She laughed her embarrassment off, but was thankful her hanyou friend offered it to her with no resistance, "I'll miss you, 'Yasha."

A tight hug was given and she frantically wiped at the tears that welled. It was childish of her to feel this way. Surely she'd see him again? The miko chided herself quietly she straightened herself and hugged him one last time. A long step separated them, his ears lowered and his face holding sentiment she had forgotten that he harbored for her. "I'll miss you too, Kags."

She jogged back to her place on the road and turned one more time to wave, seeing him waving along with his love. There was a chance that someday she'd be doing the same thing for a little priestess. A child of hers? Perhaps. Hope bubbled through her heart, her posture straightened further and she broke off into a run, laughing and experiencing the world as she had known it before.

It was when she passed the well that her joy sobered. The flowers that she had left were dried. In respect, she dropped them in the well. **They disappeared. **

A mixture of fear and excitement embedded in her heart. No, she simply couldn't go back yet. Not after three years of absence. Her grandfather must have been a withered old man now, stuck in bed if he wasn't dead yet. Her brother would be in high school – or was it middle school? It was a shame that his birthday had slipped her mind. By surrendering her future with her family, they had become background noise. They stood as memories that only proved to hurt her in the long run.

Someday she would visit, but not today. However eager her heart was she knew it would not be right. The flowers, if her mother visited the well, would be enough to let her know that she thought of them fondly. Swallowing her sudden pain she passed the well completely, heading to the West to pay a visit to a great Ally; Lord Sesshoumaru.


	3. Illness

**Horse Tears, an InuYasha fanfiction.**

_By __**sparsi, **__who holds no rights over the fan base, actual show and manga, or any mentions of songs, literature, or quotes._

_T rated fan fiction; rating may rise in later chapters. Lemons and limes will be marked if so. Let's get on with it, shall we?_

_A thank you to those who have expressed their interest in my story. I hope to impress you!_

* * *

"_Now when you look at me you're condemned to see the monster your mother made you be."_

_Regret, by __**Fiona Apple**_

* * *

Two weeks had gone by quickly and Kagome found herself in need of supplies. With the meager amount of rice she had left a dinner was made. A town was not far away from the way animals acted. Foxes shifted around campsites with little fear, possibly hoping to scrounge some meat from her satchel. If she had not eaten all of it for strength sharing would not have been a problem. On her way back she promised herself that she would gift the curious creatures with a feast fit for a king.

Despite the sadness that lingered in her heart, she still gave and gave. Her generosity never failed her, nor did her kindness. She pulled her hair free of the tail and settled against a tree. No lower class demon would dare approach a woman in priestess garbs lest they wished to resign to death. In the morning she would breach the imaginary line that separated the east from the west. It would not be long after that Sesshoumaru would encounter her and the goal she wished to achieve would be completed. Now, it wasn't the idea of love she was aiming for while she visited the Lord of the West. It was a visit to Rin in hopes of tutoring her in a few things that ought to set her on the path to success.

If there was one thing that made her happy, it was instilling hope and knowledge in the youth. Their future was an investment worth making. Crystal eyes hazed when she yawned. Bow crossed in front of her chest and legs crossed in a style very reminiscent of InuYasha, the young priestess slept deeply.

The morning came too soon. It was a thought she commonly shared with the fox kit that left on an adventure of his own. How he had grown, she couldn't find the words. A sudden spurt had his head to her waist, and when he left he found her shoulder. A hand placed over her heart, eyes glazed with the fond memories of her little Shippou. So many things had changed, and a brief thought on if Rin had stayed with her Lord bounced its way into her mind. During their travels he once confided in her that he had thought of leaving Rin in a human village.

Something told her he did not follow through with his intentions. Kagome surely hoped that he did keep the dear little lady. That was the entire reason of her visit! It was good to remind herself of such. Lord Sesshoumaru had changed greatly over the few years she had spent chasing after the jewel. The dog demon had saved her life a few times, conversed with her on the trinkets in her backpack, and shared meals with InuYasha's pack by fireside. His aloof, cold demeanor had become a simple monotone. Amusement easily flashed in his eyes with familiar company. She would even go as far to say that he liked to jest while they took walks through the forest. It was ultimately refreshing and a small whisper in her mind told her that she'd enjoy such things once more.

Packing her things, her hair was brushed back into the ponytail, a red ribbon tied in a simple knot, the end strands too short to dangle helplessly. The fur satchel rested against her hip, bow on her shoulder again. It was a few hours until she hit his lordships lands.

Those few hours passed by quickly. The sun had finally ascended the sky by the time her foot set across the invisible barrier. She felt the cool of his sentries auras pass over her; a notice would quickly find him. Her lip was chewed as she continued her walk, eyes constantly observing the surrounding rolling hills. Rin must have inspired the lord to spread flowers upon them. Each one was littered with many shades. Whites of daisies, red poppies, the sweet blue-ish purple of anemone hepatica which even bled into the forests. A familiar and strong aura approached at an alarming rate, a bright blue ball shot through the sky. Perhaps, in some rare case, Lord Sesshoumaru was excited to see her?

When the orb touched down he materialized, having changed his outfit. While the white was still present, it bled to sweet champagne, the pattern a maroon in the stead of a once fierce red. His eyes were sharp and inquisitive.

"What brings you to this Sesshoumaru's lands?" His voice was deeper than she remembered. It had been two years since she was last graced with his presence, and Kagome had to remind herself that change was inevitable. She bent in half, her long hair spilled over her shoulders from its binding.

"I've come in hopes of tutoring Rin, my Lord." The dog general was surprised that her voice was so delicate. The brash teenage miko he knew during his travels had developed a sense of dignity. A sense of pride trickled into his heart and he did not bother to shake it. However, more pressing matters clouded the rest. His lips formed a thin line and his brows furrowed, catching her blue eyes with his own as she straightened her posture.

"You may not, at the moment. Rin is ill and is in need of your aid." The offer, she deciphered would be taken after Rin was cured. In confidence she stepped forward and held out her hand. The youkai looked both ways before he grasped it and pulled her to him. A cloud dusted beneath them, thickening until he took to the skies.

"What are her symptoms, Lord Sesshoumaru?" Kagome managed to raise her voice a bit over the howling wind. His concern was clear by the speed they were racing to his domain.

"She grows feverish when she is near one of my guards. I believe he is influencing her illness." His voice rumbled through her, a rugged growl burrowed through his words. A blush tainted her cheeks, but she tried her best to brush it aside. Rin developed symptoms when the guard was around?

"Explain if you would?" She urged as her sleeve was used to shield her eyes. The wind burned slightly, which brought false tears to her eyes.

"Her temperature rises, her heart quickens. She sweats lightly and her breathing becomes stuttered and shallow. This one remembers that the monk had similar symptoms once while he had a fever. Without your aid he would have perished." Sesshoumaru looked down to her briefly, trust flickered in his eyes and she tipped her head to the side in thought. He watched as her eyes widened, then crinkled with mirth.

His hand at her waist tightened as they slowed, the castle in sight. Laughter escaped her and once again snared his attention.

"What is it, miko?"

"My lord," She crowed gently, her hand coming to hide the wide smile on her face, "Rin isn't sick."

"Then what is she?" He grasped her shoulder, looking at her with expectation.

"She's in love!"


	4. Honesty

**Horse Tears, an InuYasha fanfiction.**

_By __**sparsi, **__who holds no rights over the fan base, actual show and manga, or any mentions of songs, literature, or quotes._

_T rated fan fiction; rating may rise in later chapters. Lemons and limes will be marked if so. Let's get on with it, shall we?_

* * *

"_Well death sucks, I know. But it's your time to go. Janet I love you."_

_Janet, by __**Kiss Kiss**_

* * *

The lord and miko were greeted as he stormed into the castle, the sleeves of his formal hoari billowing with the pace he stormed to Rin's room. His sensitive ears caught the sound of laughter, however quiet the young woman tried to keep it. The ward was only fourteen, she did not need to know the touch of an older man (though the guard of the inner palace was only sixteen in human years, he was much older than his face claimed). The laughter quelled when the shoji door slapped open, showing a man who received a gentle kiss to the cheek from the brown haired girl.

Red, red, red. It was all the youkai lord could see. Kagome placed a hand at his shoulder as he fought the rage that billowed inside of him. Rin's cinnamon eyes sparkled with surprise and delight at the miko's appearance. In an attempt to deflect her father figure's anger she flung herself at the woman, tears sparkled into her hair.

"Lady Kagome! I am so happy to see you!"

"Rin. What is this guard doing in your room?" Kagome knew better than to distract a demon lord with many years on his shoulders. A thought buzzed through her mind. How old was he truly? It was likened to looking a gift horse in the mouth, asking a demon of high ranking their age. The silver haired man would surely be offended. The question had come from the priestess, who stroked the layered, well groomed hair of the human ward.

"I-I was going to tell you, my lord." Rin sputtered nervously, backing away from Kagome to the guard, who merely cowered from his spot on the bed. They had been sitting with feet dangling from it, a game of cards in front of them as well as some marbles as bartering chips. The priestess could only assume that when one lost a game they kissed the winners cheek. Despite the awkward situation she managed to smile, taking a deeper look to Rin's appearance.

Her cheeks were flushed and her lips were swollen from kissing the man's cheek often. Her hands were clammy as she wiped them constantly against her hips. The guard's eyes struggled between looking to his lordship or the growing curves of the woman who held his interest. Kagome seemed in a daze, unable to believe that almost everyone around her had fallen in love. It wasn't fair. The selfish thought startled her and she took a deep breath. The lord who stood beside her as Rin explained glanced in question. She sheepishly brushed it off, fiddling with the sleeve of her honorable garb.

"…I have done nothing but touch his hand and kiss his cheek. Yori-san has promised to make no more advancements until I am of age." Rin gushed, her eyes desperately pleading for Sesshoumaru's approval. His face was impassive, eyes conflicted and shielded. His ward's happiness was important to him, but to go behind his back instead of coming forth – his guard could have even confessed his interest!

"This Sesshoumaru demands your separation from each other while this one comes to a decision." The guard named Yori quickly stood, apologized and left the room, not daring to glance at Rin in fear of his Lord's denial of their possible future. His golden gaze then found Rin's own, who was filled with dread. "This one expects your absolute honesty in future matters. Disappointment is not something this one is familiar with when it comes to you, Rin."

Kagome's eyes softened at the father-like interaction he was having with a young, human girl. He surely treated her properly. There was no decent reason for her not to have told him her interest in Yori. Rin launched at Sesshoumaru, sobbing apologies into his stomach. Young love was always hard and Kagome felt most relatable. She was thankful that it was not a love triangle as she had experienced. One love, two hearts, a few years to go and she could already taste the wedding cake.

Her heart mended and broke at the same time. Rin was desirable and so much younger than she. Did she already pass her prime? A glance to the armoire mirror had her touching her face, only to spy curious gold eyes following her hand. The miko's face reddened and she coughed into her hand.

"What do you think of this matter, priestess?" He looked at her through the mirror. Was he aware that she did not find herself attractive? Did he impose a distraction from her inner turmoil, or was advice truly desired? The dark haired woman cleared her throat and straightened her posture, hands folded neatly in front of her.

"I believe that Yori-san stated that he would wait. My lord should hold him to those honorable words. If he disregards them, Rin could easily come to the conclusion that he would not be fit for her." Her voice was light and held a teasing tone. Her era was so much different, encouraging the woman to leave was not often heard of here. Sesshoumaru gave a thoughtful 'hn' and crossed his arms over his chest – something he picked up from their travels together.

"Very well. You must tell this Sesshoumaru if Yori does not honor his word. Honesty is something this one will always seek from you."

"Oh yes, Lord Sesshoumaru! I promise my upmost honesty from this moment forward!" Rin exclaimed, hugging him tightly around the waist. She was graced with a gentle pat to the head and a hand at her back.

"Does this mean that I may tutor her now?"

"You may."


	5. Koi

**Horse Tears, an InuYasha fanfiction.**

_By __**sparsi, **__who holds no rights over the fan base, actual show and manga, or any mentions of songs, literature, or quotes._

_T rated fan fiction; rating may rise in later chapters. Lemons and limes will be marked if so. Let's get on with it, shall we?_

* * *

"A task to focus all your thoughts on, a new interest to love. Another process to blocks thoughts of all you're frightened of."

Apophenia, by **Dinosawh**

* * *

Math was not her strong point, though Rin seemed to take like a fish to water. After grueling hours of studying with the mathematician she managed to escape to the gardens. It was not long before dinner and despite spending two weeks out in the wilderness, the desperate need for the outdoors called to her. The summer heat had never reached full potential, leaving wonderful thing the future called an Indian summer. Crickets already began their serenade; the croak of frogs from a nearby pond accentuated the beauty of the short walk.

A presence behind her soon grew beside her and she looked to see the demon lord. Their walk was held in silence. Perhaps the stifling amount of paperwork on his desk (if he had any) had sent him outside as well. The duties of a lord were never done, even when their head hit the pillow. She swung her feet out a bit further while they walked, keeping with his longer strides. During the studies she had let her hair down, the cool wind rustling the raven colored locks enticingly.

"This Sesshoumaru is pleased to be in your presence, miko." His tone was calm, not frigid in the presence of guards and the case of reprimanding Rin for her dishonesty. Her arm went and looped with his, imagining the Victorian days where a woman would politely say, 'Come, walk with me and let us discuss our younger years'. Instead, she sighed and kept her thoughts to herself, delighted that he didn't pull away from her touch. Perhaps he didn't find her revolting like the rest of the male population?

"I am happy to see you too, Lord Sesshoumaru."

"It is Sesshoumaru when in private." His correction made her smile brightly; her depression ebbed away slightly with the kindness of her friend. "What have you taught Rin, for the few hours that this one was occupied?"

The curiosity in his voice made her giggle, the sleeve of her hoari a poor attempt to hide her smile. "Rin is very smart, Sesshoumaru. You should see how she took to math. I had only touched on it briefly, but I do think she could be ready for times tables soon. I left her with some paperwork."

"This one would like you to teach herbal remedies and other medicines to her."

"I will do that gladly. Would you like to learn anything special?"

"Indeed. I would like to know why you were jealous this afternoon." Being called out on something so suddenly rocked Kagome's boat. She swallowed and a blush spread along her face and down her neck. It was flattering, thought the Lord. They neared a koi pond and her eyes softened with awe, looking to the colorful fish that swam within. During this time she thought on how to phrase her words properly. It was a selfish desire and there was no just way to word it.

"I was and am quite jealous of Rin, Sesshoumaru." Kagome exhaled in defeat, her shoulders slumped and he was reminded of the youth he had known two years prior. Many things had changed, but through the layers he could still see that she was not broken completely of her 'old self'. It relieved him. Her hands rose and she looked as if she were molding something, only to shake them down to her sides. "I feel a bit left behind. My friends have all found love of some kind. I thought I would not long after they did."

"You didn't, I presume." Otherwise there would be another man accompanying them on this walk. The battle of trust between youkai and humans was still on a rickety path to recovery. Pouty lips and hurt eyes crossed his and he reared back mentally. His words had scathed her despite how lightly he had placed them.

"I did not, and I feel as if I will never. My life is still ahead of me, but in this era I am well beyond my prime for marriage. As a priestess it only makes it harder." Except for Kikyo, it seemed it was not hard for her to find love, even fifty odd years ago. She scoffed aloud and leaned her head away from his shoulder.

The lord stayed silent as he thought, wondering how the priestess could place herself on such a small pedestal. A priestess was a job for someone pure, but it merely did not touch on the physical, it focused on the aura and heart. His eyes grew lidded and his strides shortened. Thought often did this to him, which was why he preferred his travelling days. The lord, besides his power had to stay alert for Rin as she would not have reacted as quickly as he.

"I fear I will be alone as I age. It might sound selfish, but my journey was not only to tutor Rin, but to fall in love." Kagome admitted honestly. The lord did not like dishonesty as shown by the earlier discovery. He could probably smell it.

"Were you looking for love through this Sesshoumaru?" Gold eyes widened, astounded by the forwardness of the travelling woman. Her face grew red and she flailed in alarm, hands crossed over her heart in a defensive position.

"No, no. I would never try to make you fall in love with me, Sesshoumaru. I would think that would be impossible." Her words were quick and she stumbled over his name. His brows furrowed. Part of him had wished for her to admit her interest, as now it made him feel slightly undesirable. Kagome was the first female to ultimately reject his appeal in one go. The blush on her face however…

"There is a ball that will be held at the break of summer and fall. This Sesshoumaru knows there will be many suitors pursuing your hand, if you attend." The confidence in his words made her heart swell in excitement. She squeezed his arm to her side and felt no resistance as she pressed her cheek to his arm as well.

"Do you really think someone who is viewed as past their prime could be accepted?" Kagome whispered, her eyes sparkled as she watched a koi brush along another as it passed.

"Indeed." For the first time in a while as she turned to look in his eyes, Kagome felt hope burn in her heart.


End file.
